Louisa recently went through a miscarriage at 8 weeks and would like some advice from other mums who have been through a similar experience.
“My partner and I had been trying for six months to conceive and we were so excited when we saw those two blue lines on the pregnancy test! For the first few weeks everything seemed normal, although I was tired I had very little nausea and I assumed I was just one of those lucky women who have easy pregnancies. We hadn’t told anyone except a few close friends and family and were looking forward to the end of the first trimester so we could break the news but just before I reached 9 weeks I woke up one night with cramps and bleeding. We rushed to the hospital but it was too late, the nurses told us that the baby was gone. It’s been a month but I can’t stop thinking about my lost baby and wondering if there was something I did wrong. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a mum with a baby I just want to cry. I know I am distancing myself from my partner and it is affecting our marriage but I can’t seem to get over it. What I really want to know is how other people have managed to cope with this and if it will get better? I’m also really afraid this means I won’t be able to have a baby. How many women who have had miscarriages have gone on to have healthy pregnancies?”
Our survey results are in – thanks to everyone who was willing to share their experiences and thoughts so openly on this topic. Out of those who responded to our survey, 30% had experienced a pregnancy loss at 8 weeks or earlier, 48% between 9-12 weeks and the rest occurred later in the pregnancy. Only 15% of you received counseling and all said it was at least moderately helpful.
We have some reassuring news for Louisa and others like her who might be concerned about their future chances of having a healthy baby. Over 90% of our respondents had gone on to have at least one healthy pregnancy after experiencing a loss. All our respondents felt like they were at least beginning to come to terms with their loss and start to move on although many admitted they still thought about the loss, some on a daily basis.
Our mums had plenty of advice for Louisa and others in her position:
“Accept that you will grieve for as long as you need and there's no hurrying the process. It will get better gradually over time and you will get to the point where other pregnant women and babies don't upset you as much, remember that the likelihood is that quite a few of them have been through the same thing and that will be you soon enough” - Kirsty, Scotland
“It is hard to come to terms with, but there is nothing you could have done differently, as hard as it is to hear it was meant to be and this does not mean you won't have children, it means that you will appreciate your child all the more as you know how precious children are,” - Lynne, Cardiff
“Allow yourself to grieve. Whatever anyone says, you have experienced a great loss. Try not to blame anyone (least of all yourself) and be kind to yourself. I know it’s a cliche, but time does heal and most women do go on to have successful pregnancies later. In the meantime, let your girlfriends know you need them. Men often aren't great at dealing with this kind of loss so you will need your girlfriends more than ever,” – Jane, Liverpool