Your Second Pregnancy

“My husband and I have been talking about having another baby although he does seem keener than I am. We’ve been discussing the pros and cons of having a second baby but I’m still not 100% sure. I feel comfortable with our finances and we certainly have the room, I’m just not sure I’m ready. I’m worried I won’t have enough time to devote to Ally who’s 20 month old and needs lots of attention. I always thought I would wait until Ally was a bit more independent before becoming pregnant again. Ally will probably be out of nappies soon and I‘m not sure I’ll want to start changing them again so soon.

I’ve heard it’s better to have the second baby close in age with the first so they can play together and all of the ‘baby rearing’ finishes at about the same time. It makes sense but I’m also concerned with how a second pregnancy now will affect me. My routine is working well and I’ve started to feel rested again. I have found even a bit of ‘me time’. I’m also enjoying some much needed time with my husband, so do I really want to adjust my life so soon with a another baby?

I really could use some advice. I’m beginning to feel a bit pressured and there’s so much to consider. I’d like to know other mum’s experiences and hear when they chose to become pregnant again. It might help with deciding when it’s right for me to get pregnant again.

Our survey results are back and it would seem there is a wide variation in age gap between siblings with the spacing ranging from 12 months to 7 years. 35% reported an age gap of 2 years or less and 21% were expecting or had 2-3 years between siblings. The remainder all had an age gap of over 3 years between siblings.

37% of our mums thought that 2-3.5 years was the idea age gap citing factors including increased independence of the older sibling, less stress and also sibling closeness as it is still a fairly close age gap.

Worries were common among second time mums. Some of the main things our mums were anxious about included whether or not they would be able to spend enough time with their older child and whether they would love their second baby as much as their first.

There was plenty of advice to help Heather decide what the right choice for her is:

“It's a huge commitment and unless there was a reason to rush, I'd wait until you felt 100% happy about the timing. Having a toddler and a baby is very hectic. A longer gap is good because then you can have 121 time with the baby while the older one is at nursery/school which otherwise you miss out on second time around,” – Laura, Cornwall

“You'll feel more relaxed second time round, a lot of the stuff that was stressful with a first baby isn't, and you know what you're doing a bit more, and feel more confident,” – Karen Scotland

“I think that the decision to have another baby is one that both partners need to be fully on board with. It doesn't sound like Heather is completely convinced. I would suggest they put the decision on the back burner for six months and then think again, she may feel differently,” – Ella, Derbyshire

“Organisation, routine and scheduled "me" time makes it successful. I have three children now. The age gap between my first two is 30 months, but just 15 between my last two!” – Ericka, London

“If you’re not ready and you don't sound it then don't do it!! Any gap has its pros and cons. Decide what is best for you and no one else then go with that!,” – Mel, Bath

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